This is being written from a little atoll in the middle of the south Pacific. I am sitting in the galley, trying to gather my thoughts as this will probably be my last opportunity to blog. I would like to share my impressions of this journey for me.

This journey has presented many challenges. The challenges are physical, emotional, psychological, and cultural.

Physical challenges
It has been different for each of us. Some present with gait problems, other strength, and others balance. And of course the ever present fatigue from the heat. Sometimes, I am not sure that those not having this particular disease process are aware of the limitations being more enhanced by the heat. For example, fatigue is often induced by heat exposure, if one sleeps in a warm place, one may not be as rested as someone else in the morning, and consequently not functioning at their maximum cognitive or physical level. It is not something remedied by a cup of coffee necessarily. Sometimes just sitting in the sun can have a very negative effect on one’s body as the core temperature increases. It became rather obvious when the heat was taking its toll. Many of us would just disappear to our berths and take a quick 20 winks or when at anchor – jump overboard to cool off. The heat has not been a big problem for me as my body is rather acclimated having lived in a southern part of America. Humidity is a bigger problem for me. It is very draining for me to be in heavy air. The air has to always be circulating, therefore, I was always turning on the fans. My berth had a 6 or 8 inch fan that was my constant fan at night or during those moments of escape from the deck heat. The galley absolutely was the most dreaded place for me. There were two fans present, but the cramp, close area with a gas stove proved to be my Achilles heel in more than one way.

The physical demands of just being on a boat at sea stretches ones physical endurance. Imagine being a leaf in a river. You start out floating along at a comfortable speed and then the wind blows and all of a sudden you find yourself bumped against the shore and then maybe sucked into a swirl of water which propels you against another shore or object. This is my analogy of going from one area to another area of the interior of the boat. I think I have smacked every wall, fallen into my berth or cabin mates’ berth, bounced off of the galley table and into the sink or smashed into the stove during the Pacific Crossing. It was not the result of my MS as others had some issues ambulating during the course of 3-4 meter swells. On board, it was strongly suggested that life jackets be worn anytime at night and when on the deck outside of the cockpit, that is a very good thing for anyone with or without balance issues, as this boat was 67 feet long and all steel. There are all sorts of winches, lines, pulleys, tracks, and canvass to impede your walking about. A man overboard is a very real possibility and should not be taken lightly. That is one of the worst events one can experience. Things happen very fast on the ocean and when you add in elements of wind, currents and waves, one can quickly lose sight of an object in the water.

I marveled at the strength of our permanent crew, but then they are only in their 20's. That is a far cry from 50 or 60+, but I must say that the Doc and Egon our two older crew members exhibited great strength. I could pull on lines and hold onto lines for a good length of time but nowhere as long as the rest of the crew (I think this is where I play the woman card not MS card). I don't want Bernd to feel slighted or Rob or Fredrick as they had other forms of physical endurance. Bernd held onto the side of our dingy and went against the incoming current as we made our way back to our boat (a good 300 meters), Frederik and Rob were really good on the winches on the foredeck when working with the Spinnaker and Genoa. These guys’ physical endurance definitely surpassed mine in the galley, as they slaved away making our many meals. Sometimes it was so hot in the galley I would peer down from the upper step and just say a quick prayer of thanks that I was not assigned galley duty at that particular time.

Emotional challenges
It is always a wee bit difficult to be away from the people or pets that you love. The important thing is to remember that they are probably missing you, but cheering you on for a successful endeavor, just as you celebrate the great opportunities that your loved ones and friends encounter. Some of the crew shared from time to time about their feelings being in flux. My friend Bernd would often say to me “There are lots of emotions on this boat” and then he would smile his warm, wide smile and quietly go on his way. Bernd spent a lot of time just watching the activities of the boat, and never saying much, we were like kindred spirits being viewed as the weakest links in the chain. He took a lot of pictures and his greatest joy was sharing them with others. I enjoyed his sharing of the pictures as it provided me insight into his special personality and provided a “connection” with another crew member, which we all seek on some human level.

Psychological challenges
Anyone who accepts the challenge of joining a group of strangers and successfully accomplishing a goal, is going to either develop new skills or at least draw on every coping skill they have developed from their personal life experiences. It is a strange awakening to see how every life experience provides you with new skills to process the next opportunity for growth. Two of my most beneficial skills come from motherhood and those learned as a Hospice nurse. The Hospice skill is meeting people where they are in their own personal journeys. Some people are very closed and private in their processing of their lives, while others are very open and welcoming. The main thing to remember is, no matter the mental, physical, or emotional state they are in, it is okay, as it is their journey, not yours. If you are invited into their lives it is an honor and still must be about them, not yourself. I have not worked or participated in a male dominated arena in least thirty years, so I found myself accepting the environment much in the way I did my two sons’ antics, observe, laugh, and continually ask myself, How in the world did they think of that? Did they really just do that? and smile when they so openly expressed their feelings, good, bad or otherwise. That way they survived me and I survived them. LOL.

Having MS can be a bit of a challenge to a person, I know when I received my diagnosis, I experienced the different steps of grief one experiences with any sort of loss. Yeah, grief is not for just death alone, but for any manifestations of loss. I was angry, my self-image suffered, I was in denial for a time, and finally acceptance and the reframing of my life took place. I chose not to become a victim psychologically, and I encourage others to follow that choice, as life has so much to offer, and it can be viewed through a positive attitude or a negative one. It is your choice. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it, but don't become dependent on assistance from others as a life choice.

Cultural challenges
I am very naïve about a lot of things in my life, and cultural differences is one of those areas. Having grown up in Europe during my formative years and seeing things through the eyes of a child, prejudices and historical influences were not learned. As a child, learning a new language was easy as falling off of a log. As an adult, learning a new language and having the ability to think in it and converse quickly is not my reality. It did not occur to me after reading the information about this adventure, that the others might experience a level of difficulty or have limitations in their English. I had always been told that other countries are forced to learn English, so my assumption was they would speak with the same fluidity as myself. Certainly they possessed the same knowledge of the nuances, colloquialisms and slang as myself, haha. Not so. Thank goodness, I never got excited enough to have my southern accent slip out during the limited conversations that I participated in during the trip. A funny incident that took place during our Pacific Crossing was during the setting of some sails. Rob and myself were sitting near winches, enjoying the skill of the men on the foredeck, when the Captain yelled towards our direction in Danish, which was really the working language on the boat, and we both just did not do anything. He yelled again, no response, just a quizzical look on our faces looking like “Yo, you talking to me?” Then the Doc who was standing nearby, said speak ENGLISH, they don't understand Danish.” He then addressed us in English, and Rob hopped to it.

Well friends, I feel that this written sharing has taken my allotted time. There are so many other thoughts and stories to tell, which time does not permit. I would like to list a few titles of a few worthy of oral tradition, so please make note and jiggle my memory upon my return: En famille?, Provisioning as an Artform, The lion sleeps tonight, Phineus-GateKeeper to Eden, Cleanliness next to Godliness? Daily Maintenance, Worst watch possible, Foul-Foul Weathergear. Assault on the senses, Perception and Deception, The Lesson of the Toe, Living through Grace, A child shall calm the Beast, The many uses for a snorkel, The Tale of Three anchors. And last but not least my friend Bernd’s - Aliens on a Danish Ship.

Caio and much love,
Sandy

Report from Bosun Bertram
This could very well be the most beautiful place I have seen in my whole life. On the South Eastern tip of the atoll, Fakarava, right by the entrance to the inside of the volcanic crater, lies two dive centers, one restaurant hanging over the water, one church and no more than 30 small
huts. We left heaven on earth yesterday morning to sail 6 hours north to explore the other part of the island, and upon arrival we decided straight away to go back south and spend the last couple of days in the turquoise waters before heading to Tahiti.

Local time onboard is 11:00 and our current position is 16'28.438S , 145'28.183W